Have a son or daughter joining the service? Perhaps it's your spouse, either way this is totally helpful! Take it from a mom who has been there...10 Things I Learned After My Daughter Left for Boot Camp!

Kayla left on Easter Sunday to begin her Navy career, and I’ve learned so much while she's been at boot camp, and thought that it would be beneficial to share them with y’all!

She had to be at the recruiters office that morning, and she thought he would be driving her up, and had we known that he wasn’t, we would have.
We live a few hours away from the nearest MEPS location, and seriously would have rather drove her than her ride the caravan she rode in, with other recruits.
What is normally a few hours away, ended up being nearly 5 hours, because they made several stops along the way to pick up even more recruits heading to MEPS.
I thought Easter Sunday was miserable, but at least I got to talk and text her on her way up. Monday, she woke up bright and early and went to be officially sworn in, before flying out to Chicago to the US Naval Recruit Training Command.
Again, on this day I got to talk to her that morning when she called, and she sent me various texts throughout the day. I think we talked on the phone a total of three times, including the dreaded “scripted” call.
I decided to put together this list of 10 things I learned after my daughter left for boot camp, so that other moms/dads/spouses/family/friends will know they are not alone.
- The scripted call is horrible, so prepare yourself. I got the call around 10pm on Monday night, and in the total of 30 seconds, it was a blur. “I’m here, I’m safe, and in about a week you’ll receive a box of my stuff. I’ll write when I can. Bye.” ::Click:: The only thing I could do was cry when she hung up. The only thing I could say to her was okay and bye. She had already told me not to say “I love you” because she can’t say it back, and most likely it would upset her. Do yourself a huge favor...have them call you as soon as they land in Chicago, from the airplane. This was our goodbye call. We chatted for just a few minutes, but it made all the difference in the world, and I much preferred getting to say I love you and goodbye in a normal fashion. Be prepared for that scripted call. Don’t try and tell them anything, most likely it will just upset them, and chances are they’re probably already pretty upset. Also, put on those big girl panties, and don’t cry. This too will only upset them more. It’s 30 seconds or less, you can hold it together for that long. *Btw, they only get one phone call. From what I've seen in the Facebook groups, it tends to be the custodial parent that receives that phone call. Or a spouse, and y'all parents heads up, sometimes it's the g/f or b/f that gets that phone call. If this is something you are worried about, perhaps talk to your son or daughter before they leave to see who they plan on calling.
- You will no longer go anywhere without your cell phone. Places include the bathroom, the laundry room, getting the mail, walking from the kitchen to the bedroom, etc. You never know when your SR (Seaman Recruit) may call you. In one of the groups I’m in on Facebook, one mom’s son called within the first couple of days because they needed some information to fill out paperwork. You do not want to miss any phone calls, because you literally never know when one may come in. Most likely they have everything they need before leaving, but what if they needed something?! You will want to keep your phone with you at all times, and make sure it’s charged up. I have two charging sticks, just in case!
- The hardest part is not being able to talk to her. It’s true. Even though I worry about her well being, I know that she’s being taken care of. Medical problems? They are covered! A place to sleep? Yep. They eat three meals a day, so she’s not going hungry. They are clothed and warm. Sure they are being yelled at, but they are learning everything they need to in order to be..in Kayla’s case, a sailor. At the end of the day it’s not being able to pick up the phone or send a quick text that says, “hey, how was your day?” that’s the hardest. Which is why you circle back to number 2...keep those phones with you at all times!
- Facebook groups become a part of your daily life. I have joined several, including ones that are with other family members that have a son or daughter graduating on the same date as Kayla. And because I follow the US Navy Recruit Training Command on Facebook, I got the chance to see a photo from the night of their arrival, one of which I’m 99.9% sure that Kayla is in. (I downloaded that picture, and zoomed in on my desktop as close as I could get!) Photos like that aren’t typical. Apparently it was a special occasion, but I’ll take it! If I didn’t follow them on Facebook, or weren’t in any groups, I never would have see the photo. **It was Kayla! She confirmed it on the 3rd week phone call.**
- Start writing letters asap. I didn't even have her address yet, but I was still writing. It takes a couple of weeks before you get that information, but that shouldn’t stop you from writing. As soon as you get that address, you’ll be ready to drop some letters in the mail. Remember letters from home are the only way to communicate with you, but leave out the I miss you, and I’m so sad parts. They know this already. They miss you too! A couple of days before Kayla left, I was crying, and telling her I was going to miss her so much...she said to me “momma y’all have each other, and I am going to be by myself.” This hurt my heart even more, but it’s true. So keep your letters upbeat, positive, and sure, even boring. No, you may not think they want to hear about the latest episode of a tv show you’re watching, but if that’s all you got to say, it’s better than nothing.
- Form letter - about 10 days after receiving her box, I received the form letter. It's not personal. It's a fill in the blank letter with their name, graduation date, a security form that you will need to fill out and return to them ASAP, to ensure that the background checks are preformed for those attending graduation, and finally the coveted address! All those letters you've been writing, send them! We were actually lucky enough to get the form letter and a personal letter on the same day. It just sort of fell that way. It doesn't always happen. A lot of people notice that certain days of the week are SR mail days. Our day happens to be Thursday. Every Thursday since she started mailing letters, we have received one. It's one day of the week, besides Friday to look forward too!
- That first personal letter - Most likely, it's gonna be a downer. They are going to write all about how awful the RDC's (drill instructors) are to them. How nobody in their division can do anything right, and how hard everything is. Don't worry....this will pass. The first few weeks they are learning what is excepted of them, and how to work together as a team, with a bunch of strangers. They may even be sick. To be honest, Kayla is still sick, and she has about 2 weeks left.
- Start making plans for graduation NOW! If you are planning on attending your SR's graduation, figure up the date, and book a room, if you are planning on staying at The Navy Lodge. (not sure if all branches have something similar) I called and booked a room, at the supposed graduation date, but then later found out that she was in a "push division", and would graduate a week sooner. Bummer. I called for several days in a row to book the previous weekend, and then it was even harder to get all the days I needed. At this point, we are staying one night, and then having to switch to a different room for the remaining time. Places like that book fast! Of course there is also cancellations all the time. So if you don't get a room, call daily. We are driving, but if you are flying make sure you book an airline with free cancellations. Graduation dates change. If they don't pass something, they can get pushed back. If they are sick for too long, they can get pushed back. You want to make sure you are covered in case anything like that happens.
I am working on another post right now about what to bring to PIR (pass and review) aka graduation, and how to prepare for it. Stay tuned! Also if you will be heading to the Great Lakes for a Navy graduation, and will be doing some sightseeing, a post on that is headed your way when we return!
robin rue says
My stepson went into boot camp 3 years ago after he graduated high school. He's in the national guard now, but they paid for basically his entire college education.
Joanna says
The military is really a wonderful choice for so many, especially those that are wanting to attend college, but may not have the funding to do so.
Candy says
Military family here. She will learn and grow in so many ways. You will survive and be proud.
Joanna says
I am so proud of her already, just choosing to join! 🙂
Alli Smith says
I missed my kids so much when they went off to college but not being able to talk to them during boot camp has to be heartwrenching. These are the best tips ever for anyone with a child going off to boot camp. I didn't know any of these things! Thanks to your daughter for serving her country! I'm in awe!
Joanna says
Thank you Alli. Yea, I have friends whose kids have went off to college, and comparing their missing them to my daughter in boot camp...the first thing I always say is, at least you can talk to them! The not communicating is definitely the hardest part.
Amber Myers says
My husband is a MTI, so it's interesting reading from the parent perspective. I went through this too when HE went to boot camp. We were dating, and I remember those quick phone calls.
Joanna says
I knew your husband was military, but didn't know what he did. I had to look up what MTI meant. I guess each branch has a different term. 🙂 I got a 5 minute call last night, to get some information. I almost didn't look at the caller id, since it was almost 10pm, and she never calls that late. I was shocked, and then worried, thinking she was calling to say she was set back. Thankfully it was just needing info.
chubskulit rose says
I have been there with my husband but I am not sure what I would feel when it's my kids, My worries will probably doubles!
Joanna says
Although I haven't had a husband go through, I can imagine that having kids go through is much more difficult.
Ashley says
You are one strong mama. I couldn't imagine having one of my children leave for boot camp.
Joanna says
It's been a lot harder than I thought it was going to be, that's for sure.
Jeanette says
A friend of mine just had her son go through Boot Camp. And he'll be going overseas a couple of months and it is breaking her heart. Something like this will help her get through it. She loves him so much and she so worried.
Joanna says
That is my worst fear...her going overseas. At least right now. In a few years, I'll worry, just not as much. Prayers for your friend!
Melissa Chapman says
This must be so hard for you not having your daughter with you. It sounds like it will be a great career. I am worried now that my daughter is close to applying to colleges and am not thinking about when she leaves.
Joanna says
It's the worst. :-/ But, yes, she is going to have an excellent career! It's hard when kids leave, and branch out on their own, for sure.
valmg @ Mom Knows It All says
My youngest brother was in the Navy and did his basic out there as well. There was no box or dreaded phone call. It was hardest on my parents when he was deployed, stateside we knew he was safe.
Joanna says
Things have changed for sure over the last so many years or so. I'm not even gonna think about deployment!
Michelle Garrett says
This is a great list! As the wife of a veteran, I've connected with the family of many of the newer soldiers that came through my husband's unit. You're right that first call is just as upsetting to them as it to those receiving them. Thank you for sharing your insight and lessons learned. Love this resource!
Joanna says
Thank you Michelle! 🙂 Yea, I don't think many expect that phone call to be as bad as it actually is. It's terrible all around.
Tasheena says
Thank you for sharing this information. My nephew has talked about joining the Navy and I’ve never really processed everything that my sister and family will possibly be going through until now.
Joanna says
I don't think extended family "gets" it. My mother n law kept asking me if I had heard from her, right after she left. All I could do was keep telling her, no, she's not allowed to call. My sister n law told me to make sure to give her her number to call or text anytime. I had to tell her they aren't allowed to keep their phones, and hers was coming home to me in a box.
Dina says
I've heard so many parents who have kids off to boot camp share what they've learned or experienced. I can't imagine, it's a whole new way to live, I am sure.
Joanna says
It's a new life for sure.
Terri Steffes says
Wow, that is so hard. What is to be accomplished with treatment like that? I am sure there is a good reason, but it escapes me.
Joanna says
Yea, I can't get past the treatment. I don't get where tearing them down accomplishes anything.
Jeanine says
Oh just thought has me almost in tears. I am a mess when my kids go on trips or are gone out at their friends for very long! You are one strong mama!
Glamamom says
Wow, congratulations to the whole family. What an admirable journey. Thanks for sharing what you learned for those parents who will be going through the experience for the first time as well and best wishes to you all!
Kay says
Great list to help us all understand a bit better.
rika says
That's hard! Stay strong! Joining the Navy is a big thing, but it sounds like a wonderful choice or career for some people.
Vyjay Rao says
Can empathize with how you are feeling. When your kids fly the nest for the first time, it is such a mixed bag of emotions. I can identify with taking the cell phone everywhere and waiting or rather willing it to ring.
Carol Cassara says
Sounds like a tough one to bear for parents especially if this is the first time that the kids are being away. It's not easy for them as well, since they're learning so much and there are a lot of adjustments to be made.
Jennifer Cooney says
I can’t thank you enough Joanna! My daughter will be leaving for the Air Force on Jan 29, 2019 and even though I had to stop many times to wipe my tears I found your information so helpful. Thank you again for taking the time to write that.
I do feel better knowing what to expect.
Have a blessed day 🙂
Joanna says
Jennifer, I'm so glad that my post helped you. Congratulations to your daugher for making such a courageous choice! And thank you for being supportive! Good luck!
Nicey Scott (Neecee) says
Joanna, thank you for sharing your journey with us. My daughter leaves for Navy basic training July 2019. I look forward to updates after you all go to graduation. Thank you again for sharing!!